Prat-Falls Down the Stairs
by TURP
Summary: After Lisa & Lily get splinters from the old stairs, Luan has nothing but trouble with them time and time again. Based off Family Guy's episode 'The Blindside' with peter repeatedly falling down the new stairs.


Prat-Falls Down the Stairs

This is a first for my Loud House fics... its not a crossover. Its a short story spoofing the bit from Family Guy involving Peter falling down the stairs. Who does it involve? The Loud family comedian Luan of course. Rated T for Teen for Family Guy level of swearing.

-Royal Woods, Michigan

In the residence 1216 Franklin Avenue of Royal Woods, Michigan the Loud family genius toddler Lisa was in the process of doing her usual scientific shenanigans. Or in her mind, research. The subject? The rickety old staircase of the house. "Ahem younger sibling it now high time I inform of the many fascinating aspects of Quercus rubra we have in our staircase. Street name the Northern Red Oak. Observe the rich grain of the secondary xylem. Or in street terms the great beauty of its wood.'' She rambled on running her hands along the grain.

"Yow!'' Lisa yelped out in pain.

Doing just as her roommate did Lily ran her hands over the bottom of the staircase. "Wahhh!''

Popping up her head from behind the couch her frog Hops in tow Lana wondered what got her baby sisters all upset. "What happened?'' Lana asked them both.

Examining her finger she found she got stuck with a splinter. ''Seems I have an embedded fragment of secondary xylem in my digit. Street name, a splinter!''

The baby of the family whimpered showing her splinter. "Boo-boo!"

Then Lisa started tearing up while Lily started bawling. The commotion caught the ears of the oldest of the family, Lori. "Lana what happened?''

Scooping up the baby and soothing her she wondered what had Lisa just as upset. "Oh they'll be fine they got splinters. No worries. Trust me I've got plenty.'' Lana blowing her nails and rubbing her shirt.

"Oh poor Lily. Oh its these old stairs... they're literally falling apart.'' Lori admitted.

-later

The scene changes to Luan the family funnywoman strolling out of the room she and Luna shared. She was having trouble thinking up some new jokes for a standup routine she'd been planning, Luan walked to the stairs and falls down them screaming like a banshee. "Dah! Ow! Ow! Ow! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fucking cock! Fuck! Damnit! Fuck! Fuck! Dagh!''

She ended up landing in a heap at the bottom. "DAHH! OWW!''

Two more of her siblings seen her fall. Lynn the tomboy athlete and her roommate Luna, the aspiring rockstar. "Oh my God! Luan are you alright?'' Lynn called out in shock. "Even I've never taken a fall that bad!''

"Sweet Jesus dude! Luan you ok? Speak to me! Speak to me!'' Luna ran over hoping her roomie wasn't seriously hurt.

"What's all the noise about? Holy mother of God Luan are you ok!?'' Lori shrieked seeing Luan taking a bad tumble down the staircase.

Shaking her head the funny brunette had gotten her senses back, and she was furious. "Lori what the hell!? The hell happened to the stairs?! They're all slippery now! They're worse than an ice rink! And that's no rinkadink. Get it? But seriously what the hell?''

Despite how bad Luan looked Lori had to come clean about the stairs. ''Mom had them changed literally yesterday with Lana's help. Remember? They were so rough with Lisa and Lily getting splinters from the old wood, so mom and dad thought getting it replaced was the best way to go.''

"True that dude. I'm the witness.'' Luna confessed.

"When you did do that?'' Luan griped.

"Yesterday like I said. When you were busy at a party with your clown routine.'' Lori admitted.

"Oh right. Guess I was clowning around then. Get it? But seriously I do remember that detail. Oh I'm gonna feel this one in the morning.''

A half hour later Luan would get more trouble under her skirt. Downstairs on the couch the family athlete Lynn and her roomie Lucy, the family's gothic poet. The goth was having trouble coming up with a few rhyming words. "Hey Lynn I need a word that rhymes with pews like from a church.''

"Ooh ooh... I got a good one you'll like. Bruise. How's that?'' Lynn mentioned off the top of her head.

"Wicked. I might make a poet out of you yet.'' She praised her roommate.

Still things weren't all hunky-dory with Luan, her mind was trying to remember something and she wasn't having any luck at it. "Hey everyone I'm going nuts I can't remember was one the Fullhouse Gang named Hi-Q? Real brain-stormer. Get it? But seriously is it me, or am I just making that up?'' The funny brunette asked Lynn from the stair landing.

But history repeated itself as Luan falls down the stairs yet again. "Ah! Ah! Ow! Fuck! Fucking cock! Damnit! Fuck! Cock! Cock! Son of a... ! Ahhh!''

Again Luan landed in heap at the bottom of the staircase. "Holy shit!'' Lynn swore quickly covering her mouth.

Seeing Luan take a nasty tumble had even the stoic Lucy worried. "Gasp. Luan are you alright?''

The yelling attracted Lincoln and Lola's attention too. Luan landed again in heap at the foot of the stairs. "Oh, my God, Luan!'' Lola shrieked out seeing the tumble the family comedian took.

"Luan, are you okay?!'' Lincoln said right after Lola.

"Damnit! I hate these new stairs!'' Again Luan cursed mad as hell. "Damnit! Yeah sure, I'm fine. I'm okay. I'll just... I'm... I'm just gonna lie here for awhile until the pain goes away.''

Awhile later that night Rita Loud the family matriarch called Luan down because her show was about to start. "Luan, come on downstairs. That comedy special you wanted to watch about Chris Farley is on!"

From upstairs Luan was on her way down. But this time before trekking down the stairs Luan had some sandpaper she snuck off of Lana and sanded the bottom of her shoes. She hoped this would keep her falling down them like a wrecking ball. She nervously put her foot down on the top and it went as well as you thought it did. Luan fell down them again. "Dahh! Ahh! Fuck! Fuck! Goddamn it! Fucking cocksucking cock! Fuck it! Damn it!''

Running to her injured child her mother hoped her daughter was alright. ''Luan!? Are you okay?!''

Snapping Luan complained how it wasn't okay. At all! "No mom, I am not okay! Nothing about this whole thing is okay!''

''You just need to be more careful coming down these new stairs. That's all.'' Her mother pointed out.

Still Luan's troubles with the staircase would continue that day. Seeing no choice but to wrap herself in fluffy pillows to cushion her fall she walked in a conversation between Luna and Lori. ''Luna, I need your help.''

''What dude? What is it?'' The rocker wondered tuning her guitar.

''I literally have a crisis situation here.'' Lori said still explaining what was going on. ''Bobbie wants me to meet his dad and play a tune on a bongo.''

''Hey, guys. I'm just... gonna... gonna take this. Gonna borrow it. Thank you.'' Luan said snagging Luna's pillows along with her own.

''What the hell am I going to do?! I literally know nothing about playing bongos!" Lori panicked.

''All right, all right, dude just calm down.'' Luna said still at work tuning her instrument.

''Calm down? We're all supposed to have dinner tomorrow next weekend in Great lakes City, and his dad's gonna see that I'm a fake.'' Lori panicked again.

''Don't worry, dude. I'll come up with something. Remember, I'm the gal who came up with some dance choreography for me and Sam. Very sexy choreography that is. Ahahahah.'' Luna chuckled knowing she could be a very bad girl if she want to. With her mind going in the gutter.

As Luan made her trip down the staircase it happened again. Luan fell down them. "Dahhh! Ugh! Fuck! Fuck! Fucking cock! Damn it! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!''

Upon her landing Lincoln happened to be reading a comic in his undies like always. He then noticed the readers. "Oh I bet you're all wondering Lincoln just what is up with this whole incident? Well let's just say this is what goes on around here when things are uncensored. Later everyone.'' He said waving goodbye.

-end

Again this quickly written as a spoof and parody of Family Guy's episode "The Blindside'' where Peter falls down the stairs many, many, many times. That and I was bored, so I churned out this little gem. Read, review, laugh your asses off, and enjoy.

I needed to update something of mine or I'd go crazy. Not to mention my loyal readers think Power Rangers Dimension Legends is dead. Its not. Writer's block and life issues have hampered my writing. But I figured I'd get off my lazy behind and finish this chapter up. Plus spring is in full swing is winding up so I hope I can post more story updates. To all those who work under Hasbro I make no money off this fanfiction story so its counterproductive to try suing me. I don't have any money to shell out. I write this only because I loved Digimon back in its heyday.

Please read and review this and my other stories which range from: Yokohama Night Monsters, Diclonius Goddess of Steel, Power Rangers Dimension Legends, ELG The Series, EL Digital Saviors, Cybertronian Invasion, and Maverick Hunter KLN to satisfy your craving for bizarre crossovers. This has been TURP "The Crossover Writer" and now slightly less insane phasing out people later.


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